Monday, August 22, 2005

Translation of a Chinese poem by Li Bai

送孟浩然之廣陵 - 李白

故人西辭黃鶴樓,
煙花三月下揚州.
孤帆遠影碧空盡,
惟見長江天際流.

On Yellow-Crane Tower, Farewell to Meng Hao-Jan who's leaving for Yang-Chou - Li Bai; translated by David Hinton

From Yellow Crane Tower, my old friend leaves the west.
Downstream to Yang-chou, late spring a haze of blossoms,

distant glints of lone sail vanish into emerald-green air:
nothing left but a river flowing on the borders of heaven.

Farewell to Meng Hao-Ran - Li Bai; translated by
Shigeyoshi Obata

My friend bade farewell at the Yellow Crane House,
And went down eastward to Willow Valley
Amid the flowers and mists of March.
The lonely sail in the distance
Vanished at last beyond the blue sky
And I could see only the river
Flowing along the border of heaven.

To Meng Hao-Ran going to Yang-Zhou - Li Bai; my translation

Departing West, a comrade leaves from Tower Yellow-Crane,
In March's floral fireworks downstreaming to Yang-Zhou.
The lonely sail's vague shadow faded through the jaded space,
But see the longest river flowing to the bounds of sky.

*Note: David Hinton's translation is by far the best I have seen. It is not only accurate, but rigid without conforming to any kind of English poetic convention. I am extremely indebted to his translation before making my own. On the other hand, I am still quite unsatisfied with my own translation. For one, "downstreaming" in line 2 is not exactly a word. The "lonely sail's vague shadow" is not a faithful translation, since "vague" should really be "far" or "distant". The last line the word "see" is not correct either; a more accurate translation should be "only see". The problem with my translation is that I confine myself to strict iambic heptameter, meaning I am restricted to 14 syllables per line with a strict pattern. That is why I am not (yet) able to get to the most accurate translation.

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